The Curse of the Overly Capable Woman, Part 1

     There seems to be an epidemic sweeping across our nation, an epidemic that is very specific in choosing its victims!  I am not sure what the correct technical name of this affliction is, but I have dubbed it the Curse of the Overly Capable Woman!  Picture a movie trailer a la Alfred Hitchcock with the postcard housewife in her polka-dot dress, starched white apron, perfect pin curls and make-up; hands on cheeks, eyes wide, and mouth open in a terrified scream!

     Now, picture the modern reality...a woman dressed in yoga pants, running shoes, and a t-shirt covered in sponsor logos from the last not-for-profit fundraising event she chaired.  Hair in a pony tail, dark circles under her eyes and possible traces of some child's most recent meal somewhere on her clothing.  She is carrying several backpacks and lunch boxes, a science project, a birthday treat for one class, and a party project for another while barely clutching onto a dog leash and shooing children out the door in an effort to get everyone to school on time without attracting the unwanted attentions of the county sheriff.

     Seriously, the Overly Capable Woman absolutely exists!  We all know her.  Maybe you are her!  Let's take a little test, shall we?  Mentally check off any of the following descriptions you can personally identify with:

• Often first awake and last to go to bed
• Always able to meet any deadline no matter how ridiculous or who it is for
• Can juggle every family member's individual schedule and manages to successfully make sure that everyone is where he/she needs to be when he/she needs to be there and with everything they need to have
• Seems to diffuse and manage any crisis in the blink of an eye (she's starting to sound like a super hero...)
• Always available for her friends in good times and bad, even the ones that are classic takers and energy suckers
• Keeps up with fads, faves, and friends of her children
• Knows exactly where everything is from car keys to that one special minuscule Lego that MUST be found NOW to avoid the total demise of the greatest Lego robot E-V-E-R!
• Somehow manages to squeak out just enough from every single fundraiser from every single school, club, activity for every single child to be able to come home beaming with a brand new can of Noise Putty!  Oh joy!
• Schedules and attends all appointments for every family member (2 and 4 legged) with the least amount of disruption to school schedules
• Keeps up with birthdays and holidays for family members and friends
• Struggles to find personal quiet time or even more rare...time with a friend
• Is a homework tutor, checker, and grade policewoman
• Often is the Mom, teacher, and principal all in one
• Handles interactions with the children's schools...teachers, administrators, other students, etc... good, bad, and ugly
• Holds side jobs as a nurse, plumber, general handyman, pest control, chef, housekeeper, personal driver, personal shopper, lawn pro...(insert many other descriptions here)
• Faithfully attends church and shares her faith with her children and volunteers when and where she can
• Volunteers at each child's school, scout troops, sports clubs, etc
• Supports her husband's career and just rolls with whatever comes ( huge for military families since we NEVER know what's coming!)
• Sometimes she even finds time to squeeze in some extra schooling for herself, you know, for the "someday when the family doesn't need me so much"
• Very often she also...ALSO...works outside the home

     Ah...that last one is a doozy and is the statement that actually sparked this entire blog.  Not this blog post...the entire blog site!  "She also works outside the home!"  When I consider the attitudes I have encountered regarding the stay-at-home-mom, my mind just reels!  The fact that a family's personal choices regarding this matter is such a hot button for society in general is a bit confusing but the spectrum of opinions and the backlash regarding the choices is enough to make me dizzy!  It is a true catch-22!  If a woman decides to stay at home with her children she is often seen as a non-working woman (um, okay) but then if this same woman does go out and get a job and then her children are latch key children and said children end up getting into trouble or not doing well in school, society often will jump in and say it is because the mother wasn't around to guide them.  Well, she is only one person!!!  Damned if she does...damned if she doesn't!  AHA!

     As I sit here writing, it occurs to me that in my typical tyrannical fashion, I have taken on one topic and ranted, raved, and churned things over in my head at such a rampant rate that I have actually melded two topics into one.  No wonder I have had such a difficult time making myself sit down and put these thoughts together in a coherent form.  So, while my statement regarding the Overly Capable Woman also working outside the home is a very valid statement, I will resist the urge to segue into the global attitudes toward women and their "value" as members of society and save that topic for a part 2 of this blog.

     Alas, back to our over-tired, over-stressed, over-worked, but Overly Capable Woman!  If you identified with 5 or more of the afflictions listed above, you just may be a victim of this epidemic!  Oh come on, let's be real here, how many moms do you know that do not fit these criteria?  Sure, there are a few out there who are just super needy and whiny and either pay someone to do their dirty work or badger enough that a completely afflicted friend will do whatever it takes just to make this needy one shut up and go away (while muttering things like; 'never again' and 'life-sucking lazy troll' under her breath) but no, the majority of American moms fit the parameters set forth in this blog and have fallen victim to the disease.

     I will just say it...American women are simply over-achievers!  We are products of our surroundings, of our history.  Some advancement is good, great even and I love that when I tell my daughter that she can do and be anything she wants I know that this is the absolute truth.  She will not be held back because of her gender.  But, you knew it was coming, there is a flip side to all of this opportunity and achievement.  The ability to juggle home life, family, and work without assistance has created a superwoman complex and the superwomen in our country are being run into the ground without any acknowledgement that she truly is simply human.  We are all guilty of looking at a family from afar and making judgments about their lives.  We make assumptions, good and bad, but can we ever really know what their reality is?  We may look at a family and assume that their life is "perfect"; everyone is happy, healthy, helpful, and kind.  Yes, they have a superwoman mom that always has it together, she is efficient and creative, has great kids, makes superior and healthy meals every night, always looks her best, is always smiling and kind...on the outside.

     Inside, she just may be quite lonely and a bit confused.  She always makes time to check in on her friends, especially if she knows they are struggling with something.   People often come to her for advice or help with a task and she is always willing to help with the kids or make a meal, visit someone in the hospital, whatever needs to be done.  This is where the Curse of the Overly Capable Woman comes in!  Duhn duhn duhn duuuuuuuuuhn...

     This lady has it all figured out, life is good, everyone goes to her for help but the curse begins with the fact that nobody ever stops to check on her!  No one ever thinks to ask if things really are okay.  Popular opinion is that she could not possibly need anything! This opinion can and often does also exist in her very own home.  This, in itself, creates a vicious cycle for our superwoman because now this go-to woman for all finds herself in a position in which she is actually afraid to show any weakness for fear of letting everyone down.  So, she just keeps forging through.  She has adopted her mantra from a beloved Disney character, "Keep on swimming, keep on swimming" while, in fact, she is drowning.   She will not ask for help, she will not admit that she may be in over her head, she will not slow down, she does not know how to say "no".  *Sigh*

  Now, here is my challenge to women everywhere:  Take care of one another!  Take a moment to ask your friends how they are and mean it!  STOP!  Wait for her to answer and hear her!  Ask questions, dig deeper if something doesn't sound quite right.  If possible, make it a point to spend a few moments with her in person (novel idea, I know), look her in the eye...SEE her!  Let her know and make her believe that she is not alone, you are there for her.  I know it is a crazy busy world and, personally, many of the people I care most about are literally strewn across the world but we have been blessed by insane amounts of technology, use it!  Make it a point to really check in with your friends on social sites, send a message at the end of the week and ask how something they posted about turned out.  Technology can be cold but it doesn't have to be.  Instead of just skimming through posts of friends and clicking "like" here and there, really read it and check back if it is warranted.  Choose a day and a time as your 'caring for my friendships' time.  Notice I say caring for my friendships, friendships are relationships and must be treated as such!  Communication and caring absolutely must go both ways!   No time to social network on a computer?  Okay, let's say that the next time a friend crosses your mind you stop and just take a few moments (less than a minute) to text her a simple message, 'thinking about you'!  This simple gesture could make all the difference in the world to your friend.  There must be a reason she popped into your head at that moment, don't you think?  Whether you believe in God, karma, or just human intuition...listen to yourself.  Your friend is calling out to you.  

   May you be blessed and be a blessing!